What Does An Enlarged Spleen Feel

eron. My mother told me that they were not so many years and I did remember, my grandmother died when I was seven, my brother was a year earlier. Licho left before I turned seven, I told my mother. When I woke up I saw that bear pancho, still keep, true, twenty years now. I turned to dreams and inevitable, painful but true, I took the past. I was the last of nine children. It was not planned and my mother arrived in the worst of times. What to her was irrevocable sign of menopause resulted in a pregnancy that did not discover until after seven months. My mother had no patience for raising children. A month before my birth came to the world their first grandchild, she was a grandmother, had children who werefrom twenty to six years, a baby was a burden I did not want. I was born, despite his age, his rejection. His mother, my grandmother took me away and I guess my mother was relieved. My grandmother lived in a small room in the courtyard of the family home. Years before, when my mother had her first pregnancy, which resulted in non-identical twins, my grandmother took over the boy, my brother Elisha. When I was born my brother was over twenty years, worked and lived with my grandmother, he was the spoiled son of my grandmother, I became their darling.

I suppose, I do not remember, I was happy. My grandmother was my mother and my brother that I wanted to please father. My grandmother had a bad habit to distinguish myself froms in my grandmother when my brother got married and moved to another state. I remember how painful night, the time when the castle collapsed when my brother went. He came to my bed with that big bear, still in its plastic bag, a bear that had my size. Did you think shoveling my pain with the gift? I do not remember who told me, hugged the bear, I went outside to say goodbye. I do not remember if I cried, I think not, but the pain got me chest was like acid. So I met abandonment.
With a huge bad luck I could only witness the fall of the castle. I hugged the bear was called pancho, similar to that Licho that call to my father, brother, similar to that cheo who used his wife. The illness of my grandmother went from bad to worse, the baldhospitals river began. Alone, and the force returned to the family where I wanted. My grandmother died in the hospital, I died waiting for his return. My grandmother, mother of clay that I loved, but also made me different, that incite hatred of my brothers and my parents' indifference. I learned listening to his death behind a door and did not cry. It was the first death in my family had many children and adults reaction was not letting us see the body. We took home one of my sisters, we were entertained with games. I knew that giving me her hand again. Bear hugged and squeezed my silent pain. When I told the children cried, not because I hurt, I copied what they did. I took the funeral.

My faily thought that the fastest cure the pain was to erase the memories. My parents collapsed our small house, gave away our things. I turned to shoot in arid land. My roots were in the grave with my grandmother, a drought of love my leaves withered. When I returned to school knew nothing, my mind was the pain she took shelter with a blanket of forgetfulness. Still does, but I sometimes glimpse bits of the old pain.

The first suicide attempt also went to seven years in one of these visits from my brother, who were as rare as seeing rain frogs. I guess during that time, and some years later, I was hoping that he returned for me. During that visit he spoke to the adults, I made a gesture of affection, do not remember biennialNo, and he refused. It hurt so much, I think there I began to understand that he had left behind me, as you leave a sweater that you no longer remains. I climbed to the roof, broke a bottle of soda, then were made of glass, and tried to slit my wrists. My poor child of seven years, where did you get that idea? "There knew that death was the best remedy? My brother went a little later and I found the glass on my wrist. He said nothing, took my hand and we went together. What happened next I do not remember, but I think he said or did nothing. Years later, too, after a hospitalization for an overdose of antidepressants, after a few seconds in the death of the white light filled with an unknown peace after half a lifetime of pain, my brother